Let me be honest.

PST (Pre-Service Training) is getting boring and I’m getting homesick. It’s not a great combo.

Monday through Friday, from 8:30am to 5:00pm, we PCTs (Peace Corps Trainees) sit through training at PATS (Pohnpei Agriculture and Trade School). We are presented with topics ranging from medical issues (like acute diarrhea) to safety and security to TESL training to culture shock to accomplishing Peace Corps’ 3 goals to language training to anything else the Peace Corps thinks we need to know. The topics are presented in 2 to 3-hour blocks, and our language training is usually a 4-hour block in the afternoon following lunch. It’s a lot to take in. And if the material is dull or the presenter isn’t engaging, the days drag on. It’s actually been happening a lot lately.

To top it off, Romy’s 18^th birthday was this past Wednesday, and not being with her to celebrate broke my heart. I was able to talk to her on Friday and wish her a happy birthday, but I still felt an immense amount of guilt for not being there. (If you’re reading this and see her within the next few days, please give her a humongous hug for me!) I’ve cried numerous times in front of my friend and fellow PCT, Lisa, about missing Romy and the rest of my family and friends and I’m not in the least bit ashamed.

I’m lucky to have such a special relationship with everyone back home and am equally fortunate to have the means to express my feelings as a PCT/PCT through this blog. I believe it’s important to voice my emotions as I’m feeling them not only for my benefit, but also for those interested in and/or curious what they might experience if they’re thinking about joining the Peace Corps. The more awareness, the better.

So yes, let me be honest. This week sucked. And I haven’t even started the hardest part of my service yet.

But that’s okay. Through reflection I’ve found what’s really bothering me about PST and how I can manage my bouts of homesickness.

One of the reoccurring messages throughout the PST sessions has been the importance of classroom management. We are constantly being told that classroom management will either make or break our teaching experiences. We can be presenting interesting material to our students, but if we don’t have any sort of control over our classroom, it will be extremely hard to be successful.

And I can see what they’re telling us is true, just from our PST sessions. Some PST presenters are confident, they establish ground rules, they know how to provide useful information, and they ultimately accomplish their intent for the session. Those are the types of “teachers” I admire and hope to be like (I put “teachers” in quotation marks because I believe that even those who are not technically teachers, still have so much to teach us). Unfortunately, other presenters are less successful because they lack the confidence needed to command their audience, they never set up ground rules, and they are unable to present their information in an engaging manner. I find it interesting that the Peace Corps is modeling bad classroom management for that matter. Yes, some of the PST presenters may have little to no training in classroom management or presentation skills, but I cannot help to find that problematic. Shouldn’t the Peace Corps be exemplifying good teaching practices to us during this integral training period?

Rather than dedicating my energy towards that issue, I need to redirect it towards learning from the experiences. There is, after all, much to learn, even from those who do not demonstrate classroom management.

Likewise, rather than being distressed by missing out on things occurring back home, I need to allow myself a few minutes to be homesick, then refocus on why I’m here in Micronesia.

Training days are long, presenters and their material can be boring, and I often think about how much easier it would be to be back home. But it honestly could be worse. I’m fortunate to have many small victories so far.

I eat pancakes with peanut butter and coffee every morning. I have supportive teammates and staff. I know how to take a bucket shower. I’m slowly conquering my fear of spiders. I taught my host family how to play Uno. I eat entirely with my hands. I lay on the living room floor for hours with my host family. I taught my Pahpa Pancake how to open a bottle of wine. I dance almost every day. I’m teaching my host sisters and nieces English and Spanish, little by little. I’ve bonded with my host sister over boy problems. I had ice cream for the first time in a month.

But by far the most beautiful moment I’ve experienced was when I had 3 young host family members all reading out loud in English together in my room.

And I’ll be very honest about how awesome fostering literacy felt. That’s why I’m here.

Stay well,

Rachel